Sex Problems Affect Performance & PleasureSex problems tend to fall into two categories broadly related to performance issues like erectile dysfunction, and relationship issues like desire discrepancy, where one partner wants sex more often than the other to a degree that it causes stress and tension between them.
As the Andrology Australia website notes, diagnosis of sex problems by doctors tends to focus on performance not pleasure. In real life, the most common sex problems for Australian men and women affect both performance and pleasure, with men more affected by erection issues, and women by pleasure – in particular low sex drive and failure to achieve orgasm.
Interestingly research with older women found many were dissatisfied with the quality of the sex they received – indicating their partners were focusing too much on “just doing it” and not enough on being responsive to the process of intimacy. Quality sex does not confuse genital action with good loving. If you were lousy in bed before Viagra, you’ll still be lousy in bed after it.
Most Common Sex ProblemsResearch shows men are most affected by difficulties with getting and keeping an erection, problems with premature, delayed, or absent ejaculation, pain during or after sex, high or low sex drive, or diseases of the genitals. Women were most affected by low desire and lack of orgasms.
Most Common Sex Problems for Men
Doctors categorise sex problems as “primary” if they have been present since the start of sexual experience, or secondary, if they have developed after a period of normal sexual function. Some older men develop “secondary premature ejaculation” in midlife when they were never bothered with premature ejaculation as a younger man.
Petra Boynton, the sex editor of Men’s Health magazine, (UK edition) says her work has shown many men are hampered by a lack of good sexual information, which leaves them anxious and burdened with unrealistic expectations about penis size, shape and length, how long sex should last, and what makes a high and low sex drive.
Treating Common Sex ProblemsMost people deal with sex problems at some stage in their lives. For women, hormone changes around pregnancy, menopause and The Pill affect sex drive. The side effects of common medications can play havoc with bot sexual desire and response.
Taking steps to identify the under lying causes and settle on a treatment – whether erectile drugs or a herbal supplement – or to work out ways to change life style to reduce stress and invest more time in your relationship are all practical ways to understand and overcome sex problems.
Coping with Different Desire LevelsSex therapists like Sydney doctor Rosie King are quick to advise there is always one “high sex” and one “low sex” partner in a relationship, and many couples work out those different needs in ways that satisfy them both. Learn about the Top Ten Tips for Women’s Sexual Health.
“Desire discrepancy” only becomes a sex problem when it is creating stress and tension in a relationship because one partner is sexually frustrated and the other feels under pressure to give “mercy sex” – the sex you have when you don’t really want sex.
There are many steps you can take to overcome low sex drive and the sometimes destructive cycle of pursuer and distance that can arise when one partner wants more sex than the other.